Jersey Redemption

So...contrary to my earlier posting...in which I merely suggested that New Jersey might be one of the least interesting things in the world...I have to admit that this slippery little state is beginning to sneak it's way into my bitter soul.

Not only do they provide the closest Dairy Queen to NYC, but it seems that New Jersey is slowly moving away from its title of "Garden State" and it will soon be known only as the "Chum State."

CHUM: Bait usually consisting of oily fish ground up and scattered on the water.

but "chum" also means:

"a close friend who accompanies his buddies in their activities"

and it seems like Jersey is becoming the perfect place for close friends to grab a pail of oily ground up fish heads and journey out to the shore or the woods and hunt down two of nature's most dangerous predators.

Earlier this summer, there was a Great White Shark attack off Jersey shores. see photo below (WARNING - grapic image!!):

Having a little shark obsession myself, I became intrigued by the idea of setting out on a chumming expedition with two of my closest chums...compare scars, sing whaling songs, and mutter phrases such as "We're gonna' need a bigger boat."


Now....today in the New York Times there is an article about the growing bear population and the controversial topic as to whether the estimated 3,400 bears need to be lessened through a legalized and controlled "bear hunt."

Yes, this is serious. And true. Seriously true. There are an estimated 3,400 bears in the state of New Jersey. And they are a serious threat to the future generations of mallrats and Dippin' Dot customers.

In fact, my friend Cassandra took this picture out her window in South Orange, New Jersey just this morning:


Unbeliveable.

Cassandra (known to some only as "The Pigeon") did provide the following message of comfort to all Jersey-ites (or rather, for her own well-being):

"Luckily I am on the third floor of my complex, so a bear would have to climb up my fire escape and punch out my air conditioner to get in. Even then all they would find to eat is a piece of pita bread and some plantain chips."

Unfortunately, not all of us are Puerto Rican and survive on plaintains and Catholic guilt. If there were bears in Williamsburg, I guarantee they would climb right in our 2nd story window, eat the feline and be watching my DVD of Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day by the time I got home from work.

So, I feel for those in Jersey who have to fear these dangerous balls of carniverous fur (in addition to the casual rapist and psycho killer) on their long walks home from the PATH train.

I think it's time to start chumming. (There are some worthwhile beginner instructions, here. HERE!) And maybe we can chum, not with the intention to kill...but rather to bring more tourists and a better economy to the former Garden State. We can chum the bears and sharks into their own little world -- "Chum World" where they can wander free, be observed and maybe even be loved a little. It is time.