Back to School

This morning I was out taking a nice jog through my neighborhood. It was sunny, but cool...the perfect day for a little run. As I jogged past the church/school that is near my house (yes, it is both church and school - God is a multi-tasker!), there was a woman who had just dropped her child off and was walking back to the mini-van where her younger boy sat strapped in and smiling in his little car seat.

I thought...it's that time of year. Back to school! Ever since graduating from college and moving to New York City seven long years ago, I haven't even been aware of that holiday CVS refers to as "Back to School." Actually, I lie...I couldn't wait to get back to college...Kindergarten through high school were the years when the "Back to School" sales made you want to dress up like a Wendy's Frosty and run off to New York City in pursuit of higher meaning:

On my first day of Kindergarten, I screamed and cried. I screamed a lot. I cried a lot. I screamed and cried so much that all the other kids started screaming and crying...half of them out of fear, the other half uniting in my brilliant protest.

I may have been an emotionally disturbed child...or, as my dad would say "overly sensitive"...BUT maybe...MAYBE...I had some premonition that everything in life would go downhill from this point on.

I mean, think about it. Before your first day of Kindergarten, life is the best vacation ever! At least it was in the beautiful middle-class suburb of North Haven, Connecticut where I grew up. All I did all day was suck on toys, ride around in the car and watch television. Now all of a sudden I have to wear something that looks like this:

and eat food that looks like this:


Hello! Put me back in the car seat!

Before you know it, another twenty years have passed (only 1/4 of an average lifetime!) and you are living in New York City, you are poor because you've decided it would be a good idea to work in theatre, and you have been in love. Can life get any worse!?

But that was twenty-five. At this point, as I jogged by the little boy in his car seat at the start of my 47th day of my 28th year on this planet we call earth, I felt pretty great. Hell! It's 8:30am and I am running! I live in New York City! I've been in love! And I work in theatre!

However, I will admit...as I'm sure many of us can...that sometimes I feel like I am still searching for a higher meaning...

Forget the gates...

Artists erect giant pink bunny on mountain.

"An enormous pink bunny has been erected on an Italian mountainside where it will stay for the next 20 years.

The 200-foot-long toy rabbit lies on the side of the 5,000 foot high Colletto Fava mountain in northern Italy's Piedmont region. Viennese art group Gelatin designed the giant soft toy and say it was "knitted by dozens of grannies out of pink wool".

Group member Wolfgang Gantner said: "It's supposed to make you feel small, like Gulliver. You walk around it and you can't help but smile."

And Gelatin members say the bunny is not just for walking around - they are expecting hikers to climb its 20 foot sides and relax on its belly. The giant rabbit is expected to remain on the mountain side until 2025."

Never mind going to Canada...I want to relax on a giant pink rabbit belly! Vacation Plan: 2023.

Dave Recommends

http://www.stuffonmycat.com/

a few more favorite pics...

click on this for full detail:

also highly recommended:

www.bonsaikitten.com

Three Wishes

If I could make three wishes...

Right now (on September 9th, 2005 at 7:48pm e.s.t) this is what I would wish for:

WISH #1: I Wish To Be Canadian

Seriously. This is not a joke.

It may have been a joke 1 year and 17 months ago. But, right now (at 7:49pm e.s.t.) it is no longer funny. I wish to be Canadian.

And it's not only because of the many convenient Dairy Queen locations but also because Canadians are so full of joy.

Like this young Canadian:

Okay, maybe "joy" is not the word.

Proud?

Canadians are so full of proud.

And pride.

They have such an intense and seething pride that it masks their inner warmth and kindness.

I love Canadians.

So do beavers:

Beavers...and this guy:


He loves it so much that he created snow.

Also, if I were Canadian I could talk on my cellphone while walking down the street on the way to Dairy Queen and say "Yeah...I'm oot and aboot" and the person I was talking to wouldn't laugh.

Also, I could say "You like nachos, ay?" and everyone would just smile and nod as they dipped into the guac.

I would say "Ay?" all the time!

Yes, I would. And nobody would try and stop me.

But the most important reason I wish to be Canadian right now (8:23pm e.s.t.) is this guy:

I wouldn't have to see him so much. He wouldn't be ruining my country!

And when he appeared on the tele, I could just change the channel and watch "Terrence and Philip" instead.

Also, Dairy Queen.

WISH #2: I Wish To Invent Carb-less Bread

Yes this is a truly selfish and materialistic wish.

But, do you know how much money I could make?!

Answer: A lot of money.

I could finally afford my own apartment in Toronto with a private jet to take me to work in New York City. I could also have my very own disco ball.

Because, hey...free disco balls!

But really it's not about the money and free gifts. It's about the bread.

And my breads would be available in all shapes and sizes... for everybody to enjoy!

There would be bears:

And Kittens:


Americans would love my breads...


WISH #3: I Wish I Had Never Seen The CAVE

I know this wish seems trivial and does not even have a lot of comic potential.

I am aware of that.

I know it may seem like a wasted wish to some...but still, it is something that right now (8:34pm e.s.t) I truly wish.

Since I am incredibly claustraphobic and am terrified of dangerous sea creatures, I thought this might be the best new sci-fi/horror film since Deep Blue Sea.

Boy, was I wrong.

I left unscathed...unscarred...

I wasted time and for that...

and for now (12:33am e.s.t.)...

I rub the lamp:

art

artwork discovered and provided by "the Sooz"

Canine Update.

The following canis familiaris is not a threat to any working creature, man or animal.

However, he has held a certain gold crown for three years straight...

Meet Sam.